May the Laughter Never End

It has been said that laughter is the shortest distance between two people. Today my two sweet boys were proof of its truth. The 35 minute drive home from lunch and a shopping trip with daddy obviously seemed like an eternity to my two and half year old who randomly shouted out aspects of the passing landscape in an effort to entertain himself. At some point in our drive, the landscape must have lost it's appeal as Noah began bouncing around in his seat squawking and sending raspberries flying through the air; apparently the sounds the human body can make were far more interesting. Just as I was about to turn and ask Noah to settled down and let his baby brother sleep, I heard a tiny little giggle. I stayed quiet, letting Noah continue on while trying to determine if Ben had merely laughed in his sleep. Noah let another raspberry fly and slammed himself back into his seat unleashing another more powerful giggle from his brother. I do not always understand Noah's special brand of humor, but Ben definitely got it. They continued on this way for at least 15 minutes, Noah making all manner of noises, Ben rewarding him with his delighted laugh and laughter became that perfect level of human interaction at which my two and a half year old and five month old could communicate with one another. The sound was sweet to their mama's ears, may the laughter never end.

He Will Carry Me

I lay myself at the foot of my Jesus this morning. I pray that he will love my babies through me today. As a mamma I am learning that I am so woefully inadequate and broken and yet He believes in me because He knows that I love Him and if I just keep loving Him, He will love through me. Thank you Lord for never letting me go, you never have and I am so grateful. Carry me today, carry me today.

I call, You hear me
I’ve lost it all
And it’s more than I can bear
I feel so empty

You’re strong
I’m weary
I’m holdin’ on
But I feel like givin’ in
But still You’re with me

And even though I’m walkin’ through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I’ve been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will
Ever need
And He will carry me

I know I’m broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You’re always with me

And even though I feel so lonely
Like I’ve never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said you’d see me through
The storm

by Mark Schultz

My Brave One and the Summer Place

I walked through the parking lot at Donner Lake, my feet crunching on the gravel beneath them, a sleeping baby Ben slung over my shoulder. It was Tuesday morning and the parking lot was all but deserted with the absence of the weekend beach goers. I took in a deep breath and let the nostalgia of this familiar place wash over me just as the breeze coming off the lake washed over my face. Every summer of my childhood was spent at this lake, running through the rough sand of this beach, playing in it's cold water, hiking through these mountains, and riding my bike through the same streets my feet had just walked. This was Noah's third time to "The Lake", his first when he was only 8 months old and this was his second day without his daddy, who had to return home to go to work. Knowing this, Noah's grandpa had made sure to take Noah on what had become their own little morning ritual, walking down to the beach together to play at the play structure and enjoy the quiet of the lake. I soon followed with Ben, missing Jason and knowing Noah was as well, I wanted to see him laughing and playing with his grandpa. I approached the section of the beach that my family had, years before even I was born, unofficially designated as it's own. As I walked I scanned the beach looking for my Dad and the little tow-head that would be running around him. To my surprise, I spotted them both sitting in the tube tied to the back of my cousins ski-boat. I hurriedly rushed to the shoreline, calling out, "Wait, wait!" They all turned, and I saw Noah sitting securely on his grandpa's lap in his little life jacket on one side of the tube, his cousin in the other, patiently waiting for the boat to get underway. "You're taking him out?" The question came not for my worry for his safety, I knew he was in good hands with my father and with my cousin behind the wheel, I just didn't want to miss his first time being towed by a boat. "Yeah, come on!", my cousin yelled. At that moment, I looked down and saw my infant son sleeping in my sling. "I can't," I said, gesturing to my sling, and I let them go. As the boat pulled away it seemed to suck the contents out of my guts creating that sinking feeling. What did his face look like right now, I thought. I am missing it, I am missing it, and even his daddy isn't hear to see it. My brave one, who clung to me throughout his first swimming lessons just a few short weeks earlier, was now being pulled behind a ski-boat. I was so proud of him and yet so sad I was not out there cheering him on. As I strained to watched every second of their journey around the lake from the shoreline I reflected on how brave he truly had become in the past week. A few days earlier he had confidently climbed into my fathers one-man canoe, nestled between his daddy's knees he took the liesurely 30 minute journey up the shallow river that drained into the lake. Where he had difficulty even getting into the warmth of the swimming pool for swimming lessons, he now waded into the crisply cold waters to chase after the geese, or grab his sand toys. He even stripped down out of his dry shirt, shorts and pull-up, determined to join Grandpa and Uncle Conway in their "dock to rock" swim down the lake, before I cut him off, much to his displeasure and to the hilarity of onlookers nearby. Maybe there is something about these mountains and this lake in particular that brought out that sense of adventure in him, it always did for me. When Noah returned from his first trip around the lake I couldn't wait to hug him and express my pride in his bravery. Although I may have missed this particular adventure I was comforted to know that this place held many more future adventures for him and for his little brother. "The Lake" would hold it's own special kind of magic for them as it still holds for me and I will get to expereince it with them anew every summer.

You'll get no blogging time ....

Oompa Loompa doompadee doo
I've got another puzzle for you
Oompa Loompa doompadah dee
If you are wise you'll listen to me

What do you get from a kid who won't sleep?
A lack of quiet time and a growing laundry heep
Why doesn't he try simply closing his eyes?
Or could he just not bear to miss a surprise?

You'll get no
You'll get no
You'll get no
You'll get no
You'll get no blogging time

Oompa Loompa Doompadee Dah
If you are sleepy you will go far
Mama will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loompa doompadee do

And Ben laughs .....

One Crazy Day

4am, after placing the baby back down, set the alarm for 5am, don't want to sleep in.
5am the alarm goes off, hit it, oversleep till 5:30am, the Lord is calling have to get up.
Sitting on the couch drinking coffee, reading the bible, hear the garbage truck...please don't wake Noah up.
Noah's door opens, 5:45, he wants to see the big truck.
"I hate the garbage man." "He's up?" "Yep" Jason get's out of bed.
Dress for the gym, work out for about 45 minutes, hurry home to shower before Jason leaves for work and rush to feed the baby. Feeding baby, Noah wants more yogurt.
Finish getting dressed, call Heather, "You want to come over so the boys can play?"
Rush to clean as much as possible.
Knock at the door, "Jack's here!" an excited little voice rings through the house, joined by yet another one...so the pandemonium begins.
Boys rush outside while moms sit to feed babies.
Backdoor opens, "Outside boys, those are outside toys."
Backdoor opens, they have mud on their hands, "Stay outside, you have mud on your hands." Where did they find mud?
Backdoor opens, "Okay lets wash your hands."
Jack wants to use the Elmo potty, Noah wants to use the Elmo potty, they trade, neither go. "I choclate?" "No, you have to pee pee in the potty to get a chocolate."
Jack wants to use the potty, Noah wants to use the potty, they trade, neither go. Their pull-ups stay off. Maybe that will help them go on the potty.
Lunch approaches, begin making egg salad, and mac&cheese, in case they don't eat the egg salad.
Eggs and noodles boiling.
"Did you pee pee? Where?"
"Who, Noah?" "Yep."
Rush to master bedroom to clean carpet. Need more carpet cleaner. The noodles!
Take the eggs and noodles off the burner, go back to clean carpet.
"Let's put your pull-ups on for lunch time."
Eating lunch, "Stay in your seat and eat your lunch, no Jack isn't done yet." They eat little, finally let them run around.
The noise decibel is raising and the boys are growing manic, it is definitely nap time.
The baby is crying, he needs to be fed.
"Uh oh, uh oh", Jack says, my forgotten coffee is spilling over the table onto the carpet and the stacks of children's books underneath.
It is my fault for leaving it there, that's how I got the coffee stains in the same spot before we replaced the carpet.

"I'll get it," Heather says. "No I have some paper towels, it was completely my fault for leaving it there."
Oh ya, I am out of carpet cleaner. Thank goodness for dark carpet.
"Wow, this is a lot of coffee, I can't believe how little of it I drank. It seems to have covered every book."
Continuing to clean the carpet as best as possible I hear Heather picking up in the kitchen.
"Um, Amy, your garbage disposal is clogged."
"Don't worry, I will take are of it, I think there is a reset button."
"Ok, but it is full of food."

Everyone heads home for naptime, finally get the boys down.
Now, what first, garbage disposal or carpet. I forgot, I am out of carpet cleaner.
Trying to reset the garbage disposal.
Won't reset.
Dig out food, find a popsicle stick. Yep, that would do it.
Two projects for naptime, clean den and finish planting plants.
I can still hear Noah in his room playing, den first.
Sorting through stacks of papers, I hear his door open, "Get in bed."
10 minutes later the door opens again, "Get in bed."
10 minutes later the door opens again, "Get in bed, if you get up one more time you are getting a spanking."
Finish with the papers. I think he is finally asleep. Rush out to plant the plants.
Spend 20 minutes looking for plants shears, finally start planting, the phone rings.
My brother Kevin is on the other line. "Can you fax something over to me?"
"Do you need it right now"
"Yeah now, if possible"
Spend 20 minutes faxing, the fax machine is on the fritz.
Back to planting, one plant in, baby is crying. At least I got one.
Feed the baby, wake Noah at 4pm.
Play with the boys, make dinner, clean as much as I can.
J's home...ah a break
Eat dinner, put boys in bath, feed baby.
Both boys in bed, 8:30pm, drop on to couch.
Watch a little Olympics, trying to get caught up on Michael Phelps on Tivo, can never stay up late enough to catch the races when they air.
10pm collapse into bed.
Not sure if I can get up at 5am again, Lord you are going to have to help me do it.

I watch.

Noah began swimming lessons in a mommy and me class last week. By Friday, we were both exhausted and I was left feeling defeated; maybe Noah would be the one and only person in my family to not like the water. Noah's response to all my prompting to participate in class was usually a resounding, "No!" and "I Done!" The toys and songs, deftly utilized by the instructor, worked for short periods of time, but progress seemed lacking and the 30 minute class seemed to last a lifetime. The most amusing aspect of the week came in Noah's response to me as we prepared to get in the water on Wednesday, "I watch. I watch Mommy" he said. "No Honey, you can't just watch, you have to try," I said. Later that day I understood something a little deeper. Noah was like me. He may look like a blond version of his father, but he had my personality. Every time I go to try something new, I always get butterflies in my stomach. I have never had that carefree sense of abandon to throw myself into some thrilling new activity. There is that little voice in my head that always causes me to stop a little short, "I watch" it says. But of all the traits of mine that Noah could have this is definitely not my pick. I have realized that every time I allow that voice to cause me to take a seat, I miss an opportunity to "experience" instead of just "watch". I want my son to "experience". Fear can be healthy when it rightly keeps us from danger, but too much fear can keep us from life! So each time Noah is ready to "sit this one out", I will keep saying, "You can't just watch , you have to try." Today was the beginning of our second week of lessons and today he did a little bit more. This is all I can ask, because tomorrow he will try a little bit more still. I love you my boy.